So I found out on Friday that I have Aspergers Syndrome AND Autism Spectral Disorder. I've spent just about the entirety of my life trying ever so hard to figure out what in hell is the matter with me. Turns out you see, I am socially retarded. I knew that. I've always known that. I prefer to avoid social situations and social contacts. Makes me uneasy and I really am stumped having conversations with people. I'll give a shot at coming across as close to normal but it doesn't take too awfully long before I've said something that people will interpret as not what I was meaning to say and there begins the ending of polite social interaction. Then comes the "what the fuck is wrong with you?" segment of most conversations and suspicion only gets worse from that point forward. I've been this way all of my existence and simply figured the problem was not with me. Well some of my problems with social interaction would be mine and mine alone. I just thought that everyone was the way I am and never gave it much thought. Well, everyone can be a mite confused at times over things I've said or written or graphically imaged and then when explanations ensued over a "subject", well, explanations at times only make situations worse. Now I know, at least partly, what the hell and now that I understand the why over the what, well, there you go. I am socially retarded and my social retardation has a name that I previously was unaware of. Tah - Dah! Now I can put existential blundering into a "studied perspective" and carry on. Alright then ... I'll carry on and here comes Saturday machine art and at least for the moment anyway ... some enlightened inner tranquility and so it goes.
futurist -
awaken -
damocles -
hour -
political ape -
measure -
dystopia -
peace -
it's almost reassuring to know that these days, there is a name for every dang condition known to humanity. there may be a name for whatever it is that taxes your inner self but, that naming seldom provides any comfort or peace of mind. 😐
No comments:
Post a Comment