The western half of the United States is covered in smoke from the wildfires burning along the American left coast. The smoke is thick, smelly, and filled with dangerous particulates that'll drop on your unsuspecting lungs even if you're looking. Oh yes, those dangerous particulates will kill you off in about ten or twenty years. The smoke particulates deliver the seed cancers that will send one to a painful and lengthy demise. So...here's what you should do. Head to Home Depot or Lowes or one of the other big box DIY hardware stores and clear the shelves of duct tape and industrial size plastic sheeting. Yes my friends it's the ever so quaint 'Tommy Ridge Do It Yourself Home Sealant Project' that will protect you and your loved ones from those lung defiling airborne particulates that are being fired into Earth's upper atmosphere by all the wildfires burning up the American West. According to the bobblehead weather girl on the local Fox tv station, our air is like really "icky" to breath. I think the only reason the local Fox tv station keeps Ms. Bobblehead around is that she's blonde and has really large breasts. Yeah that remark is sexist...so shoot me for being spot on. Her name is Allison and however, she is NOT a meteorologist. Being a meteorologist is not a requirement for female television weather talking heads. Having really large breasts IS a requirement of female weather readers. Off topic no doubt. Back to the insular segment on how to protect yourself from the wildfire smoke. First off you'll need to get yourself an industrial gauge forklift. So's you can lift very large rolls of plastic sheeting high enough over your house to unroll plastic sheeting. Once you've covered your home in enough plastic sheeting to fit from rooftop to around the home where your home meets the ground. Be sure to attach plastic sheeting to the ground around your home so's it won't blow off your home. Next, start the duct taping process and tape all your doors and windows nice and tight so the particulate seed cancers can't get inside your home. Then be certain to have the plastic sheeting secure around the base of you house. Can't be having the seed cancers sneaking their damn little seedling selves underneath the plastic sheeting. Oh yes and, be sure to leave an opening somewhere on the plastic sheeting so's you can get in and out of your home. That part can be a bit tricky. Keeping the seed cancers at bay while allowing egress from the inside of your house to the outside. Or vice versa. I advise you also purchase seed cancer taser pistols that are rated to tase all forms of seedling cancers so you can eliminate the little fuckers while doing the in-out drill coming and going from your home. So there you go, public service advice from your friends at "skulzwerks studios" and machine art aficionados. Because at "skulzwerks"...we care about you. Sure we do. Now it's time for the ole machine art and custom graphix for people of all persuasions.
hats -
phoenix -
all in a day's work and probably, I've got way too much time on my hands. 💀
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