A woman who (whom?) has been missing for the better part of one year finally showed up at her home in southern Utah. According to 'rumors', the woman had been abducted by "aliens" and was just recently arrived back on Planet Earth with stories to tell. Just not to media. According to the woman's family, mum's the word of the day. I find it curious that if "mum's the word", well, how in hell did the rumors start? I know the answer to an obvious question but in keeping with the woman's family request, mum's the word. EXCEPT...I know her secret. How I came to know the woman's secret is a secret. But, here's what I know for an almost certainty. The alleged missing woman was abducted by aliens and not the dang Haitian aliens that were kept cooped up at the Mexico/Texas border. So, the woman's story is like this: she was out walking one night oh about a year back see and all of a sudden there's this light coming out of the sky. Alien abductions always begin like that. So this light coming out of the sky centers up on the abducted woman and she gets sucked by the light into this alien space craft. Off she goes into an indescribable unknown. Alien abductions always have that indescribable unknown aspect. Anyway, the missing woman is off and whizzing through space with space aliens and just about the time the aliens want to "examine" the woman, well, the missing woman is having about none of that. The missing woman begins to berate the space aliens for their ignorant demands which the space aliens insist is their right to perform. "No it's not" says abducted by space aliens woman. The abducted woman commences to nag at the space aliens and complain that the space ship is too cold. "Somebody needs to turn up the heat" says abducted woman. "Get me a sweater!" The space aliens are somewhat confused by the woman's unwillingness to comply with the space alien commands. "Furthermore", says abducted woman, "this place stinks and you really should open a window." That last objection really confuses an already confused group of space aliens. "Window?" says one of the space aliens. "Yes a window" says abducted woman. Anyway, this conversational banter goes on for some time and the abducting space craft is hurtling through space at an incredibly fast rate of space/time speed. So what seemed like not so very much time to the abducted woman, in actual Earth time and the would be standard time and not the bullshit daylight savings time. Almost an entire year has passed since the abducted woman was last seen at home. Consult Albert Einstein about space, time, space/time warping, universal continuum, and just about anything else relating to deep space physics and cosmology. None of this should be confused with Deep Space Nine the tv program. Anyway, when the space aliens finally dump the abducted woman back on this here Planet Earth, there's a note from the space aliens pinned to the woman's blouse and the note reads..."Please keep the woman. She nags entirely too much, is critical about anything and everything, she gets motion sickness, she snores, so keep her she's yours and please to understand that even by our standards which are entirely different than Earth standards, the woman is a pain in the ass." And there you go. Truth or a reasonable facsimile? Machine art is up next without any abductions.
not Scooby Doo -
calendar space girl -
life can be like a box of chocolates and will melt in sunlight. 😈
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